a moo-ving case for bovine intervention

While people the world over - of course, excluding those representing democratic governments - were expressing displeasure over Israel's military action against Palestine, there were other, equally cringe worthy, attacks being made on specific people's right to experience "bovinity". No clues for guessing who it was - all clues are in the tweets below. Madhu Kishwar literally kicked up a "storm in a milk cup" when her dear cow was taken away from her. Not to be cow-ed down, she took to ruminating on twitter blaming this injustice on the municipal authorities driven by slave mentality.

The lady has clearly told us that there is a cow in the room and it cannot be ignored anymore. More importantly, the whole issue is about keeping the cow moo-ing in the room.

I, for once, rubbed my hands in glee. For the funny person that I am known to be my blog never got to see my funny side. It has always been about cribbing or philosophizing. But this "pet peeve" of Madhu Kishwar set my mind thinking and opened a "whole new world of possibilities" of what could happen if keeping cows as pets became as ubiquitous a practice as dogs and cats.

[image courtesy: cowism.com]

First, and foremost, the morning routine. The cows that I have seen normally do number 1 and 2 both standing in the same place. This cannot be allowed in western influenced homes. We need fit cows. So every morning and every evening, someone needs to take their cows out for a walk. Of course, there has to be a leash. And you will need to ensure that the cows do not settle down in the middle of the road, as is their wont.

The next thing you will need to take care of is cleaning up after them. This puts us in a very tight spot, as you will see. Traditionally we have been a dung picking nation - we have made cow dung cakes and these cakes have been used as firewood, the dung has been used to sweep floors and walls of our homes. So ideally we are not averse to "handling" cowshit, and in the same context bullshit too. But things have changed now. We can't be seen picking up cow dung off the streets, pavements, porches, gardens or whichever place it is that has caught the fancy of your bovine pet.

I see ladies and gents alike look the other way when their dogs are relieving themselves of the big one - acting the same way as they would for any crime that were accidental witnesses to. Not very long ago, I saw a lady being taken for a walk by three dogs. And one of them graced the pavement with the outcome of his metabolism. I had to remind the lady of the society rules. Now, remember, with cows, things get murkier, literally. In case of dogs or cats, you can stoop to conquer and like a watchful eagle nailing a rat, you will be done before anyone noticed. Unlike their canine or feline counterparts, the goods of a cow are not amenable to swooping and you need a dust pan more than (or along with) a plastic bag.

The third thing to take care of would be to buy a vehicle big enough so that you can carry your pet around to people's houses. In any case, do not forget the rope. Just tie it to the security guard's table on the ground floor. If your friend stays in one of those luxury apartments with big elevators, problem solved. Take it right up.

I can only feel happy thinking of the Gupta period of pet ownership when people would be walking in Sanjay Gandhi National Park in South Delhi discussing silly nothings while their Ponwars, Dangis, Khilaris ruminate over "Who Stole My Fodder".


  1. Where's the like button when you need it!?

  2. Good to know that you like it. Visited your blog too and found it quite interesting. Great work.